Child of Her Heart Read online

  “That will be my first priority when we get home.”

  “Great. See you then.”

  Meredith hung up and dialed Chaney’s cell phone.

  “How’s the weather?” her friend answered.

  “Lovely.”

  “How’s the tall nine-and-a-half with the brown eyes?”

  Meredith couldn’t hold back her enthusiasm. “He’s incredible.”

  “As in a good date? A scintillating conversationalist? Or phenomenal in the sack?”

  Meredith laughed. “All of the above, actually.”

  “Shut up! You didn’t!”

  “God, Chaney, I feel something with him that is just so right.”

  “You’ve never had sex with a guy without first analyzing the relationship and checking the alignment of the stars, so it must be more than right.”

  “You’re exaggerating.”

  “Not much. This is unheard of.”

  “Yeah, well, I surprised myself.”

  “You shocked the crap out of me. Though I did tell you to enjoy yourself, didn’t I?” Chaney chuckled. “What’s this guy got that none of the others have had?”

  “Class.”

  “Well, I’m jealous. When do I get to meet him so I can really feel bad?”

  “I’ll introduce you as soon as we get back to Portland.”

  “Does he have a friend? A brother? A cousin?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “How about a reasonably fastidious acquaintance?”

  Meredith laughed. “I do have to tell you something that I haven’t mentioned.”

  Chaney groaned. “He’s not married! Don’t you dare tell me you’ve mixed yourself up with an unobtainable man.”

  “No, of course not.”

  “Well, he sure isn’t gay.”

  “No.”

  “What, then? He lives with his parents and his mother does his laundry?”

  “No, I told you he’s a widow with his own kids.”

  “I can’t think of anything else that would keep him out of the running for Mr. Right, then. Surprise me.”

  “He’s black.”

  Silence strained across the miles. Meredith waited with growing trepidation. “Chaney?”

  “You did just say he’s black.”

  “African-American.”

  “Well.” A snort sounded over the receiver. “You surprised me, all right. Now I’m picturing you doing the horizontal mambo with Denzel Washington. Tell me, it is Denzel I should be imagining and not Chris Rock.”

  Meredith burst out laughing.

  “Oh, my God,” Chaney said, obviously sobering.

  “What? No, no, Denzel is an excellent comparison.”

  “I’m beyond that, Mer. Now I’m seeing your mother when she finds out.”

  Immediately serious, Meredith sat on a chair that faced the window and studied the cloudless sky. “This will do it,” she said, the regret a familiar weight on her heart. “This will dash any flimsy hopes I had of preserving a relationship with her.”

  “I’m afraid you’re right. As if Anna wasn’t enough.”

  “I came here to think things through, and I’ve been able to do that. If she can’t accept Anna and my choices, then I can’t have a relationship with her. It’s a tough decision, but it’s the only one I can make.” Just saying the words hurt.

  “I’m sorry, Mer. I didn’t hold out much hope that she’d ever come around. You’ll still have your dad. If she lets him see you.”

  “I’ll have to see how that irons out,” Meredith replied. “Hey.”

  “What?”

  “Thanks for being my friend.”

  “Ditto, girlfriend.”

  “Talk to you soon.”

  “Guess I don’t have to tell you to have fun.”

  “Guess not.”

  They said their goodbyes and Meredith cut the connection. If only her mother was a fraction as loving and accepting as Chaney…. She caught herself and corrected her thinking. She wasn’t responsible for her mother’s choices or reactions, though they hurt. She was entirely grateful for a wonderful friend.

  And a perfect and healthy daughter.

  And a budding new relationship.

  Things looked better to her than they had for a long time.

  The sunset that evening was a streaked palette of orange and lavender hues reflected on the water. They walked the beach, an obstacle course of rock and sea oats and grass, and the boys collected driftwood and shells. Screaming seagulls wheeled overhead, looking for a handout then disappeared into the deepening dusk.

  Meredith, Mauli and the boys gathered wood and dried seaweed, and Justin started a fire. With a pocketknife he shaped sticks onto which they speared hot dogs and the adults helped the boys hold them over the fire. After they’d all eaten their fill, Jonah and Lamond sang every song they could think of, and then Mauli and Meredith took over with “The Farmer in the Dell” and “Old MacDonald.”

  Anna had been fed and Justin held her with her back against his chest and her bottom on his lap so she could watch the others. She was dressed in her pink-and-white hooded fleece jacket and pants, looking warm and adorable.

  “Did we do this when Mama was with us?” Lamond asked during a break in the songs.

  “We never came here,” Justin replied.

  “Did we sing on the beach in Florida?” he persisted.

  “No, but we went for walks.”

  “Was I a little baby like Anna?”

  Justin nodded. “Yes.”

  “Grandma says Mama loved to ski and so that’s where you went on vacations.”

  “We went to the mountains a couple of times before Jonah was born,” he said.

  “Do you like to ski, Meredith?” Lamond asked.

  “I’ve never been skiing,” she replied.

  “For a Florida native, your mom sure liked the snow and cold in the mountains,” Justin told the boys.

  “Did she sing songs?” Lamond asked.

  Jonah didn’t ask many questions, but he always seemed interested in hearing the answers to Lamond’s. He looked to his dad for a reply.

  Justin looked at his sons with pain revealed in his eyes. “Sure she did.”

  “You pick a song now, Dad,” Jonah suggested.

  Justin glanced down at Anna in his lap. “Okay. What would you like to hear, Anna?” He raised her up and pretended she was saying something in his ear. “Good choice!” He lowered her back to her sitting position and launched into “I Heard It through the Grapevine.”

  After laughing with surprise, Meredith and Mauli piped in as his accompaniment, and the boys got up and danced around the campfire. The women hopped up and joined in. Their voices rang across the water and firelight flickered on each face.

  Anna’s eyes were wide and she stared from one person to the next in a way that made Meredith laugh so hard she couldn’t sing. She collapsed to her knees.

  “You’re ruining our act here,” Justin playfully chastised. “We might as well move on to the surprise.”

  “What’s the surprise?” Jonah asked, and he and Lamond dropped beside him on the blanket.

  Justin handed Anna to Mauli and opened a cardboard box he’d stashed earlier. He withdrew marshmallows, graham crackers and chocolate bars, eliciting cheers of appreciation for the upcoming s’mores.

  Meredith speared marshmallows and instructed the boys on how to hold them over the flames. Justin prepared the graham crackers and broke the chocolate bars into pieces. In no time even the adults had sticky fingers and chocolate on their chins.

  “You are such a bad influence,” Meredith scolded at the same time she chewed and swallowed with blissful enjoyment.

  “You knew I was a bad boy from the beginning,” he said, licking his fingers.

  She’d never had as much fun with anyone as she had with this man. And with his family. She was susceptible to his charm and his unique brand of warm humor. Seeing him with his children had touched her from the moment they’d met an
d seeing him with Anna brought stinging tears of joy to her eyes. When he spoke of his wife, she felt his loss and admired his strength.

  He’d had an enormous influence on her in a short time, but it definitely wasn’t a bad one, as she liked to tease.

  Besides the incredible physical attraction and compatibility, there was more. Last night when he’d told her he wanted their relationship to continue, his openness and honesty had revealed even more about the man.

  It was a scary thing to share feelings like that. It made a person vulnerable, but he had shared them anyway. She admired him for that and for so many things.

  She was definitely smitten.

  It grew late and the fire died down. “I guess it’s time to get the kids in,” Justin said.

  “I can take them in, Anna, too, if you two want to stay awhile longer,” Mauli offered.

  “You’re sure you don’t mind?” Meredith asked.

  “Not at all.”

  “I’ll carry her in and get you a few diapers,” she said, getting to her feet.

  Justin stood and brushed off the knees of his jeans. “I’ll add another log to the fire.”

  Meredith followed Mauli and the boys inside. Mauli herded them into the shower to rid themselves of sand and get ready for bed. “Got your phone?” she asked.

  Meredith tapped her jacket pocket.

  “I’ll call if she gets hungry.”

  Meredith removed Anna’s outerwear, kissed her head and turned her over to Mauli with a little wave as she returned to the beach.

  Justin had stoked the fire while he waited and now handed Meredith a bottle of water as she sat down beside him. She unscrewed the cap and took a drink.

  A sick feeling had plagued him all day and intensified as night drew closer. He didn’t want to tell her who he worked for.

  He couldn’t stand deceiving her.

  He didn’t want to ruin the tentative relationship they’d formed.

  And it was really unfair that he knew something she’d chosen not to share.

  He had to tell her.

  He pushed marshmallows on a stick. “Can you eat another one?”

  She accepted the branch and held it over the flame. “I told Chaney,” she said.

  He looked up from the graham cracker he was breaking. “What did you tell her?”

  “About us. I couldn’t hold it back. I thought I wanted to savor it for a while, but then when I talked to her, it just came bubbling out.”

  The excitement in her voice was difficult to hear, knowing he was going to hurt her. “What did she say?”

  “You’d have to meet Chaney to understand her comments.” She glanced up at him. “She’s happy for me. I think Mauli’s caught on, too.”

  “She’s giving us time together deliberately,” he replied and placed chocolate on the graham cracker.

  “Justin,” she began, “my heart just goes out to your boys when they ask about their mother.”

  “I know,” he said, his throat thick with emotion.

  “And for you. Not only did you lose her, but you have to see what missing a mother is like for your children. You’re so good with them. I admire you for the kind of parent you are. I mean, you have a high-pressure career and you’re a hands-on dad at the same time.”

  “I just live one day at a time, Meredith, I don’t think I deserve admiration for simply surviving.”

  “Don’t sell yourself short,” she said emphatically. “Sometimes surviving is everything.”

  “I’m sorry,” he added, realizing what he’d thoughtlessly said. “You’re right, of course.”

  “Damn right I am.” She pulled the marshmallows away from the fire and let Justin slide them off and make their s’mores.

  She got up on her knees so she was higher than him and looked into his eyes. “Did you mean everything you said last night?”

  His heart lurched. “I did.”

  Behind him the waves lapped against the beach in a timeless rhythm.

  “Still think I’m sexy?”

  He hooked one arm around her waist and pulled her snugly against him. “Sexy doesn’t even begin to cover it.”

  He fed her a bite, catching a string of melted confection and then licking his finger. They finished off the treat and she smiled disarmingly.

  He had to tell her, but first he had to make certain she believed in his feelings for her. No words formed. His apprehension was fueled by how easily she could excite him, how unsuspectingly happy she seemed.

  She moved closer and kissed him. Her lips were sticky and delicious, the taste of chocolate and marshmallow adding to the erotic warmth and feel of her mouth.

  Within seconds they were lying on the blanket, wrapped in each other’s arms, their kisses growing heated and demanding.

  “Justin,” she said, easing away and bracketing his face, “why don’t we go to my room and fill the whirlpool?”

  Her kisses had him aroused, but those words shot pure lust through his veins. Thoughts of being naked with her in a tub of slick warm water tied him in knots. Last night he’d been free to take what she offered and enjoy it to the fullest. Last night he’d been blissfully unaware of her situation and his part in it.

  Tonight he had no excuse. If he made love with her the way he wanted to, he would be underhanded and dishonest.

  “There’s nothing I’d like more,” he said with sincerity.

  She smiled, pressed a hard kiss to his lips and pushed to her knees.

  But he had to tell her.

  She looked at him curiously.

  Justin sat up. He would rather take a beating than say what he had to say. He would endure anything if it would change the facts. He hadn’t called Terrence back, hadn’t figured out how this would play out. And today he’d even considered resigning from his job.

  “Let’s go in,” he said finally.

  He scooped sand on the fire, made sure it was extinguished and they gathered their belongings. Justin stored the supplies in the back of his Lexus and Meredith handed him bags and blankets.

  Taking her hand, he glanced toward the front desk as they passed, but no one paid them any attention as they made their way to her room and kicked off their shoes and socks inside the door.

  Meredith ran warm water, added bubbles and turned on the jets. She produced candles for Justin to light and set around the edge of the whirlpool, then she turned off the lights.

  Heat pooled in Justin’s belly at the seductive setting. Tell her, intoned a voice inside his head. He would. As soon as the time seemed right.

  She tugged her sweatshirt off over her head with her back to him. Watching her in the semidarkness, he removed his shirt.

  She removed her bra next and tossed it on the floor. Her jeans and panties came next, baring her slim waist and curvy buttocks.

  Immediately aroused, he fumbled with his jeans and had them and his boxers off in record time.

  She glanced timidly over her shoulder, then stepped into the tub and lowered herself into the mountain of suds. He barely caught a glimpse of her in the mirror as she shielded her breasts.

  Justin climbed in less delicately and the bubbles rose even higher.

  “Your watch,” she reminded him.

  He unfastened the clasp and placed the time-piece on the edge of the tub.

  Meredith took a thick white washcloth from a stack in the corner, wet it and squeezed gel onto it. Glancing at the tile ledge, he noted she’d remembered to bring one of the condoms. His head buzzed with anticipation. She sat within the V of his legs with her knees raised so she could get close and proceeded to soap his neck, shoulders and chest. He immediately recognized the scent. “Coffee?”

  She chuckled. “Would you believe cappuccino? Chaney gave it to me. There’s body lotion, too.”

  “I like that girl without even meeting her,” he said.

  He leaned forward to kiss her.

  The kiss was warm and lazy, and teased his senses.

  She ended it to sit back, brought one fo
ot in contact with his erection and teased him mercilessly. Between the warm water and her caress, beads of perspiration formed on his face.

  She obviously noticed, because she raised the washcloth and squeezed it out so that water ran over his skin. Moving to straddle him, she kissed his wet lips.

  Her shoulders and arms were slim and white in the candlelight, her shiny hair held in a haphazard knot that allowed becoming tendrils to escape.

  His good intentions were lost in the haze of arousal she created. Guilt nagged at the back of his conscience, but didn’t dim his ardor. He would tell her. But he would call Terrence first and quit Children’s Connection. Then she wouldn’t doubt his integrity. Then he’d be free to continue this relationship without reserve.

  “Can we manage it right here?” she asked on a ragged breath.

  “Anywhere. Any way.”

  She smiled that seductively provocative smile he loved and he was lost. Silky wet skin glistened, water splashed, bodies slid and strained and the only coherent words spoken were those of praise and pleasure.

  Some time later he reclined in the tub and she leaned back against him. The jets propelled soothing hot water around their sated bodies, relaxing their muscles.

  She turned her face over her shoulder and he leaned to kiss her soft lips. She raised a wet hand and placed it against his jaw. He turned his lips into it.

  Meredith leisurely stretched out and placed a foot on the edge of the tub.

  She sat up abruptly. “Oh, no!”

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Your watch! I knocked it into the water!”

  “It’ll be okay.”

  She fished at the bottom of the tub until she found it and brought the gold piece up. Grabbing a dry washcloth from the stack, she dried it.

  “Don’t worry about it,” he told her.

  “Justin, I’ve noticed your watch, and I know it’s expensive.”

  “Well, then, it’s probably waterproof.”

  “Does it say?” She studied the face closely, turned it over and angled it toward the candlelight. “Is this inscription from your wife?”

  A shot of awareness needled its way into his mind and he cringed in silent horror. No! It was too late.

  “‘With appreciation, Children’s Connection,’” she read aloud. Confusion registered on her pretty face. Then dawning realization. She raised those penetrating hazel eyes to his. “Children’s Connection?”