Child of Her Heart Read online

  “I’d rather talk in person. Can you come at six-thirty?”

  “Unless you’re planning to tell us that you’re bringing suit against that negligent clinic,” Veronica said, “I don’t know that we have anything to discuss.”

  Under her breath, Meredith counted to ten. “I’m making one last attempt to salvage a relationship here. If you don’t want it, say so.”

  Her mother was silent for a moment. “Six-thirty.” Then she hung up.

  The following day at lunch, pediatric OR nurse Rebecca Holley joined Meredith in the cafeteria. They had worked together with patients many times and maintained a professional friendship.

  “I’m treating a patient you’ll remember.” Meredith went on to tell Rebecca that one of her young patients was doing well in his therapy and recovery.

  “That’s fantastic news. He has a great outlook and terrific parents, too.”

  “It’s always rewarding to see children in recovery do so well. Sometimes the results are not as promising.”

  Rebecca nodded knowingly. “I haven’t talked with you about your camp for a while. How are the plans going?”

  “Plans have been on hold, I’m afraid. But it’s time to get back at it.”

  “I’d like to help any way I can.”

  Her offer warmed Meredith’s heart. “I’d appreciate your help.”

  “What’s the biggest need right now?”

  “Money,” she replied easily.

  “Okay. Make me your fund-raising chairperson.”

  “Really?”

  Rebecca nodded and took a pad and pen from the pocket of her teddy-bear-print smock. “Really. Let’s make a list of contacts and prepare a letter. We’ll share the follow-up.”

  By the time Meredith went back upstairs to work, ideas had come to life and her hopes had been renewed. She felt more focused than she had in weeks. It was time to move on with her life.

  When she got home she prepared dinner, set the table and had just finished feeding Anna when her parents arrived.

  Her father immediately picked up Anna from the playpen and held her on his lap. Her mother refused to look at the baby.

  When Veronica asked about her vacation, Meredith didn’t have much she wanted to share. The rest of their conversation was equally stilted.

  Eventually, Meredith ushered them into her dining room, where she propped Anna in her seat on the unused end of the table.

  Her father dug into his dinner, but her mother merely picked at the vegetables. Finally she laid down her fork. “When are you going to get to the point and say whatever it is we’ve come to hear?”

  Meredith took a sip of water and dabbed her lips. “I’ve made all my decisions and nothing is going to change my mind.”

  Veronica pursed her lips. “You always were a stubborn girl.”

  She let that pass and continued. “I am not going to sue Children’s Connection. I do not want any publicity or any compensation. I’m prepared to simply ask them to refund any and all medical costs involved with the in vitro and the DNA testing.”

  “So you’ll allow everyone to believe she’s your child?”

  “She is my child.”

  “But, Meredith.” Veronica’s eyes showed her distress. “People will believe that you…had relations with a black man.” She said the last two words in a whisper as though it was too shameful to say aloud.

  “That’s just fine with me,” Meredith replied.

  Veronica’s eyebrows shot to her hairline.

  “A few of my co-workers and close friends were aware that I was going through the in vitro process,” Meredith explained. “And I don’t particularly care what strangers think. My biggest concern was whether or not I’d be able to provide Anna with the support and confidence she needed to grow up as a child of mixed race.

  “But now I know that I can do it and that there are people who will help me. She’s going to get a lot of stares and hear many questions and face prejudice in her life. I can’t prevent that, and you don’t know how it hurts me to think of it.

  “But I can prepare her. And I can provide an environment of friends and loved ones to see her through the adjustments.”

  With both elbows on the table, Meredith laced her fingers and looked directly into her mother’s eyes. “There are a few ways I can protect her. No matter what she is faced with from the world, she will never hear those things or be made to feel unwanted or alienated by me or my family or my friends.”

  At those words, Veronica’s demeanor changed. A look of hurt stole over her features.

  Meredith didn’t let it stop her. “If you can’t accept Anna, then you won’t be a part of our lives. I won’t allow your bigotry to hurt her. I want her to have grandparents. But I will protect her.”

  Meredith’s father had lain down his fork. He cleared his throat. “I’ll help any way I can. I can come over here to help with her if I need to.” He glanced at his wife, then back to his daughter. “She’s my granddaughter and I love her. Don’t keep her from me because of your mother.”

  Grateful for his steadfast devotion, she gave him a warm smile. “I won’t, Dad. Thank you.”

  Veronica sat in stunned silence for another minute, confusion plain on her face. Meredith knew what she was thinking. Her only daughter had just set the rules for their continued relationship, while her husband had made his position clear. Finally Veronica looked up. “No one has ever called me a bigot before. I don’t believe I like it.”

  Meredith shrugged.

  “I—I just don’t know what I’ll say to my friends, the women at bridge club and our…well, anyone.”

  “What have you said so far?”

  “Nothing,” Veronica admitted.

  “Well, you can continue to say nothing. It’s no one’s business, anyway. If you feel like explaining, tell them your daughter chose to have this baby and that you chose to support her.” Meredith couldn’t help the next word. “Please.”

  Her mother met her eyes and tried again. “What about the emotional distress? Surely that’s worth a suit.”

  “You’re the one causing me emotional distress,” she said plainly. “I’m not embarrassed by Anna or ashamed of her. And it breaks my heart to think that you are.” Impulsively, Meredith rose to pick up the baby from her seat. Delighted, Anna smiled and waved a fist.

  Without a word of warning, Meredith walked around the table and placed the baby in her mother’s arms. Veronica had never even held her, and Meredith was tired of feeling hurt and angry.

  Obviously caught off guard, her mother sat back to accommodate the child.

  “Look at her. Look into her eyes. She’s just a baby,” Meredith told her. “An innocent little person who had no say in her conception or birth. She deserves love and acceptance. She needs a family.”

  Veronica looked down at the baby. Anna had a concentrated frown on her face as she studied the new person who held her. Suddenly, she broke into smiles and kicked her legs excitedly.

  “This is it for us,” Meredith said quietly. “You can choose to be Anna’s grandmother…or you can choose to lose us both.”

  Veronica’s watery gaze flickered from the gurgling baby to her daughter and back. “You’ve obviously made up your mind,” she said finally.

  Meredith’s heart dipped with disappointment as she prepared to hear a hurtful remark.

  But Veronica’s tone was soft when she said, “You’re a bright, intelligent woman, so I’m going to trust that you’ve made the best decision for you.”

  Meredith blinked. That was a huge admission for a woman so hell-bent on being right. But it wasn’t quite enough. Her daughter would not be cheated and would not be made to feel lacking. “Can you love her?”

  Veronica looked up at her daughter with tears in her eyes. “Yes,” she whispered.

  The following week, Meredith sat in the cramped office she shared with three other physical therapists and updated patient data in the computer. A knock at the open door caught her attention, and s
he glanced up.

  Justin Weber stood in the doorway. He wore a dark three-piece suit with an ecru shirt, silk tie and shiny leather shoes. She’d never seen him in his business attire, and he seemed like a handsome stranger. She felt underdressed in her smock and slacks.

  “May I have a few minutes of your time?” he asked. “It’s business.”

  Business. The sticky little situation. “I communicated through my counselor to assure the board that I had no intention of suing. I merely asked for compensation for medical bills.”

  “I’m aware of that.”

  His appearance was all business, all the professional lawyer. She got a knot in her stomach at the memory of shared intimacies. “Do you have something for me to sign to let them off the hook? I’ll sign it.”

  “No. This visit has nothing to do with that.”

  Curious, she sat back. “Oh.”

  He moved into the cramped office and set his leather attaché on a chair. Opening it, he withdrew a few pieces of paper, separated a small one and held it toward her. “I’m here at Leslie Logan’s request. This is her personal donation to Camp I Can.”

  Meredith had automatically accepted the paper he offered and now realized she held a check. A check made out for an amount her brain worked to compute. Stunned, she looked up. “What is this?”

  “It’s for the lease on the camp. It’s enough, isn’t it?”

  Her mind whirled, imagining what she could do with that amount of money, but at the same time her suspicions were aroused. “Of course, it’s enough. But why so much? Why now?”

  “The way I understand it, you’ve been soliciting donations. Leslie was recently able to free up the funds to contribute.”

  Meredith stood and waved the check as though the ink needed drying. She couldn’t help the question that rose in her mind. “And this is not intended as a juicy morsel to dangle in front of someone to ensure they don’t sue the clinic?”

  Justin’s gaze didn’t waver. “If you wanted money for yourself, you would have taken a settlement, Meredith. When Leslie and I discussed this, I warned her you’d be suspicious for only the reasons she’s aware of. But she feels very strongly about helping with the camp, and I’m her attorney.”

  With this money she could lease the property! She could immediately start lining up medical professionals, volunteers, counselors and coaches. The money was for the kids, not for her, even though it would bring her dream into reality.

  “I’ll call Leslie right away to thank her,” she said, deciding.

  Justin closed his attaché and straightened. She wondered if he’d expected more resistance. “How is Anna?” he asked.

  “She’s good. She’s in day care on the third floor.”

  “She’s adjusting?”

  “Quite well. How are the boys and Mauli?”

  “The boys are busy with school and activities. They’re both playing basketball, so Mauli and I have a schedule of practices and games we share. Mauli is the same.”

  Meredith absorbed thoughts of Justin’s family and regret stabbed her anew. What had seemed so right and so simple had become complicated and confusing.

  Justin studied her. “You can keep your friendship with Mauli and not see me, you know.”

  She nodded. “I’ll probably call her.”

  “Good. The boys ask about you and Anna all the time. They want to know when they’ll see you again. I don’t know what to say.”

  She didn’t know what to say, either. She had grown fond of his children and disappointing them hurt her.

  He didn’t make a move to leave. “If I thought it would make a difference to you, if it would convince you of my sincerity, I would resign my position at Children’s Connection.”

  Caught off guard, she absorbed the huge sacrifice he suggested. It was beyond her comprehension why he’d consider such a drastic move. “I don’t expect you to do that. What would it prove?”

  “That you’re important to me,” he replied immediately. He looked away and then back. “I never expected to feel anything for a woman after my wife died. But I feel something for you. You haven’t given me a chance to explain or apologize for what happened.”

  His words brought a flutter to her heart, but her own internal confusion accompanied the sensation. “You explained plenty.”

  “I want to apologize.”

  The moment stretched out between them before she replied. “Okay.”

  “I’m sorry. As soon as I learned who you were I should have come straight to you instead of panicking about how you would react. I didn’t do that and I regret it.”

  She’d been quick to jump to conclusions when she’d learned his involvement with the clinic. She hadn’t given him the benefit of the doubt or listened to his apology. She did so now. Still, it was hard to trust after what she’d been through.

  “I need some time,” she said. “We kidded about it, but the situation at Cannon Beach was extremely romantic, to say the least. If we truly were strangers attracted to each other, and if you didn’t have previous knowledge of my situation, the circumstances were still unreal.”

  She liked the way he listened. As though he cared and what she had to say was important. She’d never put her finger on it before, but he always listened to her this way. “Maybe my feelings were raw and I was susceptible,” she continued. “You were obviously handsome and attentive, and I got caught up in the moment.”

  Justin’s expression was suddenly stoic. “Because if you’d been thinking clearly, you would never have become involved with me.”

  “I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant maybe it was one of those things and we’re better off letting it go.”

  “Just a fling,” he said. “Over and done.”

  Her thoughts had come out all wrong. She hadn’t meant to offend him. She wanted to believe that he had her best interests at heart and that their meeting hadn’t been a scheme on his part. But could she know him well enough to be certain of his integrity?

  “Justin,” she said. “I’m sorry, too. I’ve had a lot to deal with, so many important decisions to make. I was probably not in a state of mind to begin a relationship, and I know I’ve handled things poorly. I’m getting my life straightened out now. I’ve even made progress with my mother. This—you are just more than I can deal with at the same time.”

  “You’re probably right,” he said. “It would take work to make our lives compatible. And I would certainly rock the boat where your mother is concerned.” He picked up his attaché and took a step toward the door. “It’s easier to leave things the way they are and say it was just a fling. That way nobody has to know, either.”

  “I’m not ashamed of anything,” she denied quickly, not liking what he was insinuating.

  “I didn’t say you were. But it takes confidence to be in a relationship like we were contemplating. Confidence in yourself and heartfelt conviction that what you have is real and that love transcends appearances and intolerance.”

  She let the meaning of those words sink in, and she didn’t like the way they made her feel.

  Justin strode to the door and looked back. “Your trust issues go beyond men, Meredith. You don’t trust yourself.”

  And with that, he was gone.

  Seventeen

  Meredith looked from the empty doorway to the check in her hand. He believed that her reluctance to throw herself at him was because he was black? How could he even think that? She’d never shown the least bit of prejudice—she was the mother of a mixed-race child! Where had he come up with such an unmerited idea?

  From her previous reactions to being seen in public with him, her nagging conscience replied. Her situation with her mother. Her lack of trust in him. Her hesitancy to develop anything more permanent.

  If he was so wrong, why had his words cut so deeply and aroused her defenses? She wasn’t ever afraid to work for something she wanted.

  Her phone rang then, jarring her away from her problems, and she forced her mind back on work.
But the rest of the day was difficult, as her thoughts kept returning to Justin and his apology, and to Leslie Logan and her generous donation.

  The following day she called to schedule an appointment with Mrs. Logan. The woman suggested they get together for lunch, so Meredith met her at a restaurant near the hospital.

  Leslie was a tall, slender woman of about sixty with reddish-gold hair and eyes a unique shade of brown. She greeted Meredith warmly. “I was hoping you’d bring the baby.”

  “I just fed her, so she’s napping.”

  “The day care is working out?”

  “Better than I imagined it would. The caregivers are fantastic. They adore Anna. Every day I get a full report of her feedings and changes and activities.”

  “That’s so nice to hear.”

  They ordered and sipped their cups of tea.

  “I asked to see you so that I could thank you in person for your generous donation to the camp,” Meredith told her with sincere gratitude. “Your contribution is enough for the lease and much more. Camp I Can is becoming a reality, and you’ve helped to make it happen. So…thank you.” She smiled hesitatingly. “The words seem so inadequate.”

  “You’re quite welcome, dear. Children are one of my passions. They’re our future, you know, so investing in them is truly investing in a better tomorrow.”

  “Well, a whole lot of kids are going to have a special summer experience that they’ll always remember,” Meredith promised her.

  “Meredith, may I speak frankly?”

  “Of course.”

  “Because of my clinic affiliations and my husband’s position, I’m aware of the situation with your daughter. I have been in constant touch with your counselor. I hope you don’t see that as a lack of privacy, because I assure you, I take Children’s Connection seriously and I believe in patients’ privacy.”

  “I don’t have a problem with you knowing,” Meredith replied easily. “It’s good to know the clinic is being held accountable.”

  “Even though I felt a personal involvement and my heart went out, I deliberately did not approach you. There couldn’t be the least shred of doubt that Children’s Connection or anyone involved hadn’t ever tried to influence you.”